ali's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] ali [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[04 Aug 2005|10:12pm] [ mood | energetic ] so after my break down last night i feel soo much better. .but today has been wonderful . so i went to live oak with my mom to meet my aunt suzie and they wanted time alone... for stupid shit.. so i called james and me and him hung out for a few hours and hugged and held hands.. and nothing major . i jsut felt major sparks like i always have ... i dunno i think he is comin up here to hang out on monday .. i hope soo.. i just wanted to kiss him and i wouldve but i wanted to do it at the right moment .and that moment escaped us a few times..but yea.. im excited and imma call him everyday ... to maybe just let him know that im interested.. soo he doesnt move on . haha yea i dunno i feel really girly right now.. *yay* 1 [Kiss]

broken hearted .. [03 Aug 2005|11:26pm] [ mood | depressed ] so im finally facing it.. he never loved me . and what he said to me was all lies i gave up my chances of havinf a good relationship with half of my family for nothing .. abnsolutley nothing. its been about 6 motnhs since ive seen him and 5 since ive talked to him . i called him the other day i gave into my weakness of missing him and i wanted to talk to him so bad. his mom answered the phone and i asked if he was there and she said he doesnt even live there anymore and she hasnt talked to him in months. so i call randy .. he talked to him last week and he told me where he lived i asked who he lived with and randy said " i dont remmeber HER name" my broken heart shattered into millions and millions of pieces. im normally such a strong person and ihave been but the smallest things get to me. anything.. i have a very sensative memory i remember the oddest things and it happens all the time. it just hurts me so much to think that everything i lived for close to 3 years was nothing but a lie and i know we were young and shit but i really love him . i always did and i always did. and i think he loved me. this one time when we were told by our parent we couldnt see each other beth took me by his house and he held me an dhe started to cry .. it was so sad. he cried it was so heartfelt. i dont think that was fake but for it to get thrown out the window. and now .. i am so lonely i went from being held whenever and hugs andkisses .to nothing nothing at fuckin all .. this fuckin journal is the closest thing to an emotional relationship . i have friends but i dont hang out with anyone because everyone already has someone to fill their time up either its a bf or a gf or other friends.. i feel so alone. and even though i have been alone before i have never felt this alone. and ihave my mom and my lil brother but its a diffrent kinda of alone. im a 19 year old loser with no liscense and no car.. barely a job . ihave no life i dont have fun . well i have fun with my mom but i dot really get to do things i would like to do . but i dunno . im starting to hate myself. i just wish i could change everything about me .. im trying to lose wieght and i died my hair. and i dunno . maybe if i get skinny i can be pretty and maybe .. i dunno .. i just dont know anymore. ive always been about being myself and everyone will love me for myself. but lately i just think im annoying to everyone i talk to so from now im not making any attempts to hang out with ne one.. or talk to anyone.. i hate myself. 2 [Kiss]

[17 Jul 2005|12:16am] so i havent written in a while.. i normally write on myspace.. but i dont feel like everyone and thier mom needs to read this... so lately i have been feeling extra sad and i have been thinking about jonathan more and more .. and i dunno why but i am really heartbroken and i wasnt before i dont know if it is finally kicking in or what but i am so sad. and i miss him .. everything.. hha.. even the asshole side. i jsut want to hug him i want him to hold me like he did always.. always and forever. thats waht we always said and i love you bunches i love you bunches back . yea that shit made me cry just now.. so i dunno .. i miss him and i fear that right now if i were to see him i would want him back .. i feel weak and vonerable .. and it sucks.. i want no one else but him . i just wish he would grow up a lil and get right.. but i promised myself .. no more chances.. oh and he prolly doesnt want me anymore ne ways.. im still fuckin fat and now im like super insane .. sooo eya . i duynnp this feels good to get out in the open .. 4 [Kiss]

[20 Feb 2005|11:10pm] How to make a alithefreak Ingredients: 1 part jealousy 3 parts humour 3 parts instinct Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion Username: Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com You Are Glam Sexy You live for flaunting your sexiness, and you totally work it. Why not? You've got the goods - you might as well use them. You're 100% woman, and you never go out without looking your best. After all, you never can tell when you might bump into Mr. Perfect! What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. 3 [Kiss]

[20 Feb 2005|11:08pm] Do you think you can read my mind? - From Go-Quiz.com About this Friend.... Guess who? dont hang out alot but will always be there fly007peachsitzeraikigurlheavenlykizzeztreevaa my tricks of the trade buddy fly007peachsitzeraikigurlheavenlykizzeztreevaa always so easy to talk to no matter how long its been fly007peachsitzeraikigurlheavenlykizzeztreevaa always awesome to talk to fly007peachsitzeraikigurlheavenlykizzeztreevaa buddy till the end if she will call me fly007peachsitzeraikigurlheavenlykizzeztreevaa LJ Username: [Kiss]

[20 Feb 2005|11:07pm] A Altruistic L Light I Intelligent T Timeless H Happy E Excellent F Flirtatious R Relaxing E Enchanting A Amorous K Kinky Name / Username: Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com [Kiss]

check [25 Jan 2005|02:24am] [ mood | excited ] hay everyone! im Ali and i would love for all of you to come and join my blinkie community blinking_freaks you can request... (per week) * 2 blinkies * 2 glitternames * 2 icons * 1 header * 1 background come on yall and join me ! 5 [Kiss]

[22 Jan 2005|02:36am] [ mood | pissed the fuck off ] you know what i am never ever going out again .. at all ...no where... just becasue someone is pissed the fuck off at me .. i will have no fucking life.. just to make him happy .. and i dont know why the fuck he even would start to fuckin think after almost 3 fuckin years i would fuckin cheat on him ... i dunno .. what the fuck .. but ne ways .. tonight was fun ... now its not.. he is sleepin on the couch and wont fuckin talk to me ... i have the worst headache .. i juss threw up .. yea.. fuckin wonderful .. if this shit doesnt clear up i am movin to my moms.. fuck live oak .. beth im sorry ... i shouldve stayed .. and none of this wouldve happened.. im sorry .. but im not goin to the races.. i luv ya ... [Kiss]

[23 Dec 2004|07:56pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | the hives... ] Love by ruby mae Your name Your partner You two are Soulmates Your meeting was by Fate They are your Sweetheart You are their Baby Your love will Stay alive Quiz created with MemeGen! 3 [Kiss]

[28 Apr 2004|07:01pm] okie tay well.. its wed. and i have no computer... well i do .. but it has no internet ... :( but its ok .. i am at the station i didnt go to skool today i had to go get my dress fitted.. jus 2 short days till the wedding... wow.. and we have sooo much to do ... its really stressing and i cant help with like ne thing... ugh.... but oh well... ne ways .. i am sad.. jon mmoved out of his house.. i ahvent seen him in a while and i have a feeling i am not gonna see hi for a while.. which is even sadder... and beth i think is grounded.. cause i havent ehard from her since sunday .. but i dunno .. i hope she is comin to the wedding.. hopefully ... it should be fun my dress is really pretty well i think sooo .. but yea... i am bored and really really hungry and we need to go home.. ahah... yea... chels is a retarded dork . she called and wouldnt shut up i kinda hung up on her and she called back and said nuh uh not if i hang up on you 1st. and hung up .. that was retarded.. but we all have those moments.. ahah.. blue crush is on the tv. i like this movie.. and when it first came out i was like ew ... bunch of scrauny girls in bikinis.. nasty hah but of course it turned out to be decent "stop being such a lil barbie " haha well ne ways .. i dunno i am juss in a wierd mood... i miss jon alot but he is making some really really stupid choices lately ... i dunno .. he doesnt think at all... but its ok .. the art institute of tampa called me and they really really want me .. and i have a interview on may 12. wow.. i was like holy crap .. a college actually wants me . like a really good one too ... i cant believe it .. i dont really want to move to tampa alone.. but i guess i will do what i have to do hopefully jon will go too.. but if i can get a grant or a scholarship then there is nooo way i can pas that up .. cause i have been thinkin i really want ot do sumpthin with my life and that is the best way to start .. i have to move away and get out.. of this smal minded county .. i will never ever amount to anything if i stay here... i want to have money to provide for a kid and ii want to have really nice stuff adn dress really nice and have a kick ass house and i will never have ne of that if i stay in liveoak and work at some half ass stor... soo yea.. i dunno .. ne ways.. im goin ... okie tay asta la bye bye 6 [Kiss]

[19 Apr 2004|08:31am] hay everyone !! long time no update haha well ne wasy i am in freakin class... ugh .. its realy retarded.. haha.. but ne ways .. i get cap and gown pictures today .. wooty woot 1! i have my cap and gown .. and wow.. i feel sooo anxious.. its like amonth away .. i cant wait... omg.. yay.. hehe.. but yea... i duno .. there is juss this sudden feelinhg of excitemnet .. that has come over me... because it is finallly kicking in.. all the people ihave sat there and watched graduate... its my turn.. and it feels sooo odd... i dunno why .. but it feels like it was a few months ago when i was juss starting high school at suwannee high .. and now i am at branford.. * which isnt as bad as i thought it would be * ( its actually quite nice) i am sitting here .. waitng .. working on my computter... haha.. working.. but eya.. waiting to get my pics done.. they are prolly gonna look retarded.. but itll be ok.. haha.. yea... i dunno .. i am sooo happy at the moment .. this weekend is prom! * i didnt want to go .. but now i cant wait!!!! its gonna be soo much fun with beth and jon ... shit i have to go get my pics done 4 [Kiss]

[30 Mar 2004|08:55am] http://www.pierceoff.com.au/Products.aspx?BodyPartId=3 [Kiss]

fRiEnDsOnLy [06 Mar 2004|07:30pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | >>Dashboard Confessionals<<>>Broken Hearts and Concrete<<>> ] much luvs 8 [Kiss]

[24 Feb 2004|11:23pm] 1 [Kiss]

[23 Feb 2004|09:08am] i miss him real bad [Kiss]

[23 Feb 2004|08:57am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | ~jason mraz * you and i ~ ] ok well i am in my computer class and it blows.. well i am feelin really down lately... and i kinda know why .. i dont like being here... well i like this school cause its a change of administration and teachers.. but i miss my friends really bad.. and i am sooo alone here.. i only have like 3 friends.. and then i still feel really way wierd around them.. like i cant be all stupid.. and we dont even hang out ne .. i am sooo quiet in myh classes.. it is scary... i dunno... and lately my dad is being a huge ass... and i dont know why ... ne ways.. that is bringin me down a whole lot.. when the only thing your dad can say to you is you need to get a job you dont know responsibilty .. u have no clue... it gets old.. and i feel like an idiot... i have been told this by soo many people i am starting to believe it... man i cant wait to get outta the house.... i will be soo much happier.. i dont even care if i have to work all the time juss to stay alive.. i dont care... daddy told chels .. well she heard him and alisa talkin .. he doestn think i am gonna move out as soon as i think i am ... hah... omg.. how nieve can he be.. i fuckin hate it here.. like i cry like almost like every night.. and i stay on my lil computer.. i do EVERYTHING he asks me to do ... but i dont have a job so ima piece of shit.. i give up my friends .kinda my bf.. the place i have been for 17 years.. and take a leap of faith with him .. and he fucks me over.. i was suposed to have my honda in what .. CHRISTMAS ??? MIDDLE JANUARY????? do i have it yet fuck no... but its ok cause i dont have a job.. ok yea this is annoyin me .. and the bell is about to ring.. there are ther things on my nmind but i guess i have to write them in my real privater journal.. hehehehehehe.... oh well oh by the way yesterday i went with the girls to see the Tru confesions of a teenage drama queen ... and that was the cutest movie i have seen in a long time... i enjoyed it alot.. -- ok i dont get to go to the movies and see kool movie.. i go to see ill kid ones.. haha ... bye everyone i hope Yall have a nice day while im stuck here in deadville .. alone ... all by myself.... sitting here... being bored.. cause no one ever comes to see me .. at all ... [Kiss]

[13 Feb 2004|12:50am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | incubus~talk shows on mute ] shitty day ... way shitty i gave my cat in my arms i can only type with one hand , i juss made 5 blinkies in like an hour ... and i am really tired maybe ill write tommorow .. oh yea cause im a dorky loser with no way ne wher so i sit home on fridays!!! oh and daddy told me i cant have my car .. so there goes no valentines day with my baby... :( really sad makes me cry ... ill write tommorow -ali 3 [Kiss]

hay .. wow long time no writy [10 Feb 2004|01:46am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | ...John Mayer // 83... ] hay everyone ... wow it has been soo long since i have really written .. well it is way late. and my ass should be in bed but i got occupied by another community .(see bottom of post) but yea.. life has been ok lately .. i think daddy still hates me .. but i think he will get over ot and realize i am growin up .. not 14.. soo yea.. but ne ways.. i amm sooo sick i coughed up blood like 4 times today .. :( thts sad.. that hurt.. haha .. but othere than thast i am in a great mood.. i slept all day today till 2:45 .. that was a long napp... haha.. so now im not tired and i duno.. but my real one player juss turned off for no reason.. haha no it didnt .. its juss a quiet song.. wow .. way too much nyquil.. haha.. but yea... my baby(jonathan) is soo sick .. he is worse then me ... man i gotta go to skool tommorow.. daddy fixed my tempo but since its the only vehicle that works around here.. they have to use it .. but ti think i might be able to use it .. buti dunno.. i hope soo .. ye a... then maybe i can get outta this town .. and / or have a cigarette while i am driving some where .. haha i havent had a cigarette in like 3 days .. * my eye is twitching for no aparent reason* haha wow .. but yea... i need some nicotene.. haha .. you know whats funny. ..everyone is like smoking is bad for you , it kills you but hey i dont care im goin to die any ways .. and i dont wann live to be old and senile.. i wanna have fun .. and i dunno .. but yea thats why i smoke.. so i dont live to be 80.. that kinda sad when u think bout it .. but oh well .. wow saturday is valentines day wow.. man this time alst year was the worst with me and jonathan .. it was really really sad.. i have to do something with him on saturday .. dang i wann cry juss thinkin bout it.. :( but now everything is sooo much better!! everytime me and him fight about something we juss fall back on our love which is like way great and all of a sudden we quit fightin and everything is better caseu we are together.. which i luv that... no matter how bad things get between me and him .. we always make up .. and thats the fun part;) hehe... but yea wow i am all ramblin on and on and on .. haha .. i am kinda delerious.. but ne ways .. i need to go to sleep but i am afraid if i do then ill juss lay there and not fall asleep .. hmm oh well .. ok well i am really gonna go ... you should all go and check these communities out!!!! A HUGE THANX TO BETH MY WONDERFULLY TALENTED SISSY .. FOR WORKIN HER ASS OFF ON THIS LAYOUT!!! okie well i am goin .. 3 [Kiss]

New Layout!! [08 Feb 2004|10:22pm] omg.. i got an awesome layout now.. go and looky please tell me what yall think .. and someone freakin go request a blikie or sumpthin damnit i am bored haha luv yall ali 1 [Kiss]

New Blinkie Community [04 Feb 2004|02:53pm] [ mood | excited ] Hay im Ali and i have a new blinkie community.. blinking_freaks if you want a blinkie // icon // background // or a banner come here!!! 3 [Kiss]

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